


Rebecca Shepard

by AricaZorel



Series: The Lives of a Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hope, Injury Recovery, Love, Mass Effect 3: Citadel, Normandy-SR2, Past Relationship(s), Post-Mass Effect 3, Questions, Romance, Self-Doubt, Sexual Content, Shore Leave, Spectre Kaidan Alenko, answers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:02:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24204076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AricaZorel/pseuds/AricaZorel
Summary: Rebecca Shepard and Kaidan Alenko try to work things out while he recovers in the hospital. Between their words on Horizon, stopping the Reapers, and their own doubts, will they be able to come to an understanding or will their relationship be one more casualty of war?
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: The Lives of a Shepard [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741258
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	1. Shore Leave

****

Cmdr. Rebecca Shepard jolted awake from yet another dream…nightmare. Whatever you would call it. She wasn’t sure anymore. The death of the blond headed boy on Earth had a heavier impact on her than she wanted to admit. She shook her head, willing the memory to just go away. Only Liara and Garrus knew just how much things were starting to weigh on the invincible human Specter. Joker knew as well, just because he he’d been with her since the beginning. That’s why his attempts at humor had increased when she was around.

Everyone looked at her like she could fix everything, make it all go away. If they had only listened _years_ ago that might have been the case. But now the Reapers were here and finally a reality for everyone. But politics still got in the way of saving lives. _I hate politicians._ Ashley’s words came back to her in foull force.

_I couldn’t agree with you more, Ash. Especially now…_

Shepard let out a sigh as she rose to her feet. She missed the Gunnery Chief who she had considered to be the sister she never had. Her death would not be in vain. It had bought time to prepare but the N7 wanted it to mean more than that. She had died so others could live, including Kaidan…

_Now he’s in the hospital…because of me. People I care about always get hurt or worse because of me, because of my duty…_

Walking to the bathroom, she glanced at her private terminal and thought of the emails Kaidan had started sending her. At first they were just progress reports on his condition and a request now and then for a visit. More recently they had become letters updating her on what he’d done that day, how unoriginal the menu was, and how bored he was. Repeatedly he had jokingly requested that she send him some of her “techie” things he was sure she had broken. It was a reference to her less than patient use of technology that did not work the way Cmdr. Shepard had thought it should work. When she had broken things trying to get them to work, he had been the one on the SR1 to fix them. He’d never complained, just sat there fixing them like it was no big deal. She found that she missed watching him fix things.

She stood in the bathroom staring at herself in the mirror. The blond boy’s face flashed before her eyes again. She squeezed her eyes shut as a low husky voice echoed in her head.

_You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me._

_You of all people should know what I’m about, Kaidan. Please trust me._

_Shepard I don’t know what you are or who…not since Cerberus rebuilt you…_

_Is the person I followed to hell and back—the person that I loved—are you still in there somewhere?_

The echoes were from different conversations, but the feeling was still the same. She needed to know she could be trusted with everything that was being asked of her. Everyone looked to her. But who was she supposed to look to? The one person who had ever really offered her a shoulder was not there. And she needed him more than ever. Could things really work out? If she couldn’t get her personal life together, how was she ever supposed to get the forces together she needed to defeat the Reapers?

“Am I really strong enough for this? Or is it time to finally come apart at the seams for the great Cmdr. Shepard?”

When no one answered, she shook her head. “Great now I’m talking to myself…”

“I could respond, Cmdr., but I assumed you wanted to be alone,” EDI replied over the comm.

Shepard stifled a laugh as she emerged from the bathroom. “You aren’t going to tell anyone that I talk to myself, are you? It would ruin my image, what’s left of it anyway…”

“Of course not, Shepard. But might I make a suggestion,” the AI replied.

“Sure, go ahead,” Rebecca said as she looked at the model ships she had collected.

“Since we are returning to the Citadel for resupply, intel gathering, and other tasks, I would advise that you take a day or two of shore leave to help clear you head. Relaxation is key to maintaining a health balance. As of right now I am questioning your combat readiness…”

“EDI…”

“In addition, I believe it would do you good to visit Major Alenko again. Each time you do, your life signs and general demeanor are much improved. If he were not hospitalized, I would further suggest human mating rituals be observed as they help relieve stress…”

“EDI, that’s enough. Kaidan is not—“

“I will report my observations to Dr. Chakwas if you do not start taking care of yourself, Shepard. You have been deficient in your personal maintenance…I am worried about your well-being…”

Shepard was quiet for a long moment as she took in the facts that EDI was right and that an AI was worried about her. Hell, the ship even knew how much she wanted… _needed_ to see Kaidan again…

“Alright, EDI. I promise I’ll take shore leave and I’ll visit Kaidan but—“

“Garrus and Liara have volunteered to coordinate things while you are on the Citadel. Jeff and I will monitor ship concerns. I suggest you make a day of it, Cmdr. Things are not as they once were…”

_I just like having you in my life._

_So how do we fix it?_

_Maybe you should just know that I’m not seeing anyone and that I still care…there’s a war on and maybe you and me’ll never happen…but I needed you to know that. ‘cause that’s how we’ll get passed Horizon._

Shepard closed her eyes and let a small smile cross her lips as she realized the AI was getting more human all the time. “Understood, EDI. I’ll follow your recommendation.”

As the soldier moved to her closet to pick something out to wear for her day of shore leave, she glanced up at the comm speaker. “Thanks, EDI. You’re a good friend.”

“You are welcome, Shepard. I consider you a friend as well,” the AI replied with a note of attachment in her voice. “Signing you out.”

*******

Major Kaidan Alenko sat up in the same bed he’d been confined to for weeks now. It was one of the longest hospital stays he had ever had and for once it wasn’t due to his implant. But then again being beaten to within an inch of your life by a synthetic didn’t sound too good either. He sighed as he looked out the window. Everything looked so peaceful. But it was an illusion. No one wanted to admit it though.

He frowned as his thoughts traveled to beyond the calm of the Citadel and landed on the woman who had once again managed to turn his life upside down. Rebecca Shepard was back on the job but without him— _again_. It ate at him not being able to be with her just as much as it had after Horizon. What an idiot he had been back then and then on Mars she had explained but he couldn’t listen…

Having your life flash in front of your eyes tended to open them though. He’d been so wrapped up in his own side of things on Horizon and Mars, that it wasn’t until Shepard had visited him the hospital that he realized she was just as hurt and confused as he was. She’d shown a little of her vulnerable side like she had the afternoon before they’d stolen the SR1 _Normandy_. He’d seen the relief and hope in her eyes when he’d told her that he still wanted her in his life and that he still cared.

All he wanted to do was go to her and make sure she understood exactly what he meant but the doctors told him a few more weeks…

Kaidan clenched his hand into a fist and pounded the bed, involuntarily activating his biotics. “ _DAMN_ _IT_!”

As the doors to his room slid shut a familiar voice chuckled, “If this is a bad time, I guess I can come back in a few weeks when I have the time again, but if I were you I wouldn’t tell the Doc you just flared up like that. They’ll run more tests to keep you here even longer.”

Alenko froze in place as he glanced at the door. Rebecca Shepard stood before him out of uniform, wearing a black tank top with N7 embroidered on it, blue jeans and a black leather jacket that mimicked the red stripe of her armor on the sleeves. Her red hair was worn loose for once. It now slipped down her back almost to her waist. He hadn’t realized it had gotten that long.

He must have been staring because Shepard wore the look of “gotcha” she used when she caught someone off guard, usually an enemy. “Close your mouth, Major. You’re drooling.”

“Umm, yes ma’am,” the biotic replied quickly almost snapping to attention while still in the hospital bed.

“At ease, Alenko. I’m just here for a visit, not business,” Shepard replied with a grin as she pulled a chair over to the bed as she had during her previous visits.

Quickly regaining his composure, he replied without thought, “Is that why you’re dressed like that?”

Rebecca raised an eyebrow as she realized just how much Kaidan had come into his own during her prolonged absence. “I just thought you might like the view. If I’m wrong, I’ll leave.”

Not really meaning it, she rose to her feet. A surprisingly strong hand grabbed her wrist gently but firmly. “Oh no you don’t.”

“Major?” she questioned, looking down at her arm, as his hand moved to hold hers.

“Commander,” he said in that low husky tone of his he used when they were alone. Before it had always led to something else…

They looked at each other for several long moments as the L2 kept his fingers intertwined with hers. Slowly he pulled her toward the bed. “Sit? Please?”

Shepard glanced at the chair her jacket was draped on and then the bed. If he scooted over just a little there would be enough room for her to sit…

Seemingly reading her mind he did just that and smiled. “Please…”

She finally obliged as he sat up straight adjusting the bed to make it more comfortable. Once they were both settled, Kaidan asked, “So what brings you by this time? Fuel, supplies, information, politics…”

“Well,” the first human specter started as she played with the sheets. “Officially, yes.”

She was nervous and something else, Kaidan wasn’t sure he wanted to admit to catching on to. He frowned and let her find the words. “I…there’s another reason. _Personal_. I needed to do something. I don’t know how to say this…”

Kaidan froze as she said those words. After all the progress they had made, had she changed her mind? Did she not want anything to do with him after all? His hand held her tighter causing her to glance up at him. “Shep…”

“Kaidan, we just came off a mission to help cure the genophage. Mordin is trying to synthesize a cure now. That’s one of the things we’re waiting on. But along the way I meant a female Krogan whose immune to it. We talked and found out we have things in common. Both our people expect so much from us…”

“She said there was still hope…That I was spreading that hope and it would help defeat the Reapers. But the cure isn’t even ready yet and well…the way it was made wasn’t the best way medical science should go. But Eve, the female Krogan, still has faith…”

He studied her for a moment and then said, “But _you_ have your doubts.”

“Yes.”

“It’s more than just that. I don’t know if I…How can I do all that’s been asked of me?”

For the first time since he’d know her, she was having doubts about her own abilities and actions. It rattled him just a bit. But at the moment she needed him to be strong for her. He gave her his best smile and echoed words from years before. “Everything will be fine, Shepard. You’ll figure it out.”

She looked at him. “Just like that?”

“Just like that,” he replied with conviction.

Shepard cocked her head as his moved to play with his fingers. “Kaidan—“

“If you need a shoulder, I’m here. I know I wasn’t there before…but if it means anything I’m here _now_ ,” he interrupted as looked at her intently. “My shoulder’s a little worse for wear, but it’s still available…”

As he trailed off, Shepard gave him a small smile. “You still look good to me…”

“Uh, well, I don’t quite know how to take that, ma’am, since I had the crap beat out of me and I’m still recovering.”

“Kaidan, I just needed to see you again. I know things are still fragile between us, but I just needed to see someone that I cared about. Who knew what was at stake. Who knew _me_ …”

“I want to know you again, Shep. That’s why I’ve been emailing you…I hoped you’d email back when you could. I…We lost a lot of time…I don’t want to lose any more time with you. It doesn’t matter what we are…I just want you in my life.”

“I want that too…”

“Well, I guess that’s a good start then. We agree on something…”

“Kaidan, I didn’t come here to put a burden on you…”

“You are no burden to me. You never have been. Ever. Understand?” he asked as he pulled her towards him for emphasis.

She looked at him for a long time as he continued to hold her hand firmly. He really seemed to want to have her around and meant everything he said. Of course he meant everything he said. It was Kaidan. The only time he was unclear about his intentions was when he let his emotions control him without a filter. Like Horizon…

“Kaidan, you need to know something or maybe I just need to tell you something…I don’t know…” she said after a long pause. She looked at him cautiously, almost expecting him to shut her down. She wasn’t being the invincible Cmdr. Shepard after all. But if she remembered right, he never expected her to be that when they were alone…

“Okay, I’m here and I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he said readjusting his position on the bed.

“Is that a joke, Major?” she asked almost annoyed.

“No, ma’am,” he replied with a sideways grin. “Talk to me.”

She let go of her annoyance and exhaled sharply. “On Mars, you said you didn’t know if you could trust me because of my ties to Cerberus. You weren’t even sure if it was really me. On Horizon, you said that I betrayed everything we ever believed in…That I betrayed you…”

“Shepard, I thought we were moving passed that—“

“Let me finish. Please?”

He nodded as his features became unreadable. The Cmdr. continued, “I thought about what you said and what’s being expected of me. And I’ve been thinking about it more…What if I’m not the same? What if Cerberus rebuilt me and I’m not ‘ _me’_ anymore? What if I’m fooling myself into thinking I’m still Cmdr. Shepard from 3 years ago? What if I’m a VI or something thinking I’m me…”

“Rebecca, stop it,” Alenko said as he rubbed her hand.

“But how do I know—“

“That’s just it, Shep. You aren’t the same as you were 3 years ago,” Kaidan interjected firmly. She pulled back from him in surprise at his agreement with her doubts.

He shook his head. “None of us are the same as we were 3 years ago. Look at all the crap we’ve been through. No one could be the same. Even though you missed out on two years of it, that in itself changed you. Being tasked with defeating the Reapers for 3 years has changed you…and me. But I know you can still do everything you need to do because I know you well enough to know you’ll do the right thing…”

She looked into his whiskey colored eyes and felt a small smile touch her lips. “You still know just what to say.”

“At least that is faring better than my flirting…” he said running a hand nervously through his short dark hair.

“What if you got in some practice today?” she offered softly looking over at him with reserve.

“What? How?” the prospective Specter asked a little surprise.

“I have a day of shore leave…”

“So why are you here?” he asked as he narrowed his eyes.

“Because I can be,” Shepard replied cryptically and honestly.

“Do you really want to spend an entire day in the hospital with a bedridden L2 who’s going stir crazy being locked in here?” he asked, not sure what to expect as an answer.

“Yes,” she shrugged with a small grin.

“Oh, well then…Have I told you how much I like your hair down like that?”

*******

“Where did you learn moves like that? You could never beat me on the original _Normandy_ ,” commented Alenko as Shepard turned off the chess game.

“Let’s just say the new comm officer has been giving me tips,” she replied with a smile. It had taken almost 3 years, but she had finally beaten him in a game of chess.

“Traynor taught you chess moves, and you decide to use them on a bed ridden patient you’re visiting?” the Major said with a smile.

“Yes,” Shepard replied as she glanced out the window that made up his external wall. Everything looked normal outside even though they both knew the truth was quite different.

Kaidan watched her for a moment and then asked, “What are you thinking about, Shep?”

“Nothing…everything…” she replied as she sighed and glanced back at him. “Anyway, I talked to one of your doctors before I came in here to see if you were really up to an all-day visit.”

“And what did they say since you wouldn’t have believed me if I had said I was,” Alenko asked a little annoyed.

“That you were and that if you were a good boy you could get up and walk around for a bit…as long as you were with someone…” she answered with a smile.

“That person would be you then?”

“Yep.”

“You would effectively be my babysitter.”

“Yep.”

“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Isn’t babysitting a step down for the great Cmdr. Shepard?”

“Considering some of the diplomats I have had to watch over the years, normally I’d say yes. But since it’s you, no,” she replied as she walked back over to the bed.

“Why am I so special?” Kaidan asked with a hint of a grin.

“Because you are,” she replied honestly coming to stand on the left side of the bed by the door.

“Rebecca—“

“Look if you don’t want to, I’ll understand…” Shepard said as she suddenly felt like running away. Maybe she had overestimated her chances.

“There’s a tee shirt in the drawer behind you…Someone was nice enough to requisition some clothes for me apparently,” Alenko said cutting off her objections with a wave of his hand.

“Um, that was EDI. She took the liberty after I mentioned all your things were left behind…”

“Oh, well, thank her for me…I think,” he said uncertainly. An unshackled AI was something he was still getting used to.

“I will. She’s really nice and efficient once you get to know her,” she said matter-of-factly.

“You do realize how strange that is right?”

“Well, yeah I guess.”

Kaidan looked at her as he slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed. She handed him a blue shirt as she asked, “Do you need help getting up?”

“No,” he said as he slowly stood and turned slightly. Slowly he pulled the shirt over his head while Shepard glanced at the bruises on his torso. They were fading but were still a strong reminder of how close to death he had been. He must have sensed her staring at him because he looked over his shoulder with a reassuring smile. “I’m okay, Shep. Really. I’m good.”

The Cmdr. moved to stand behind him and rested her forehead against an unbruised part of his back. “We just found each other again and I almost lost you before we could even try to work things through.”

“We—I’m still here. And we do have a chance. We just have to be brave enough to reach for it and hold on to it…” he said as he reached behind him and brought her arms around his waist.

“Kaidan, I need you…”

“I need you too, Becca. I always have,” the L2 biotic confessed as he lowered his head.

He felt her move around to stand in front of him, her arms still around his waist. A small voice said, “No one’s called me anything but Shepard or Cmdr. since I came back…”

“Then I’ll have to make up for that,” he replied as he kissed the crown of her head. “You still want that walk?”

“If you’re up for it…”

“I think I could do just about anything when I’m with you.”

*******

“So you were able to convince the docs to let me out of the hospital for the afternoon how exactly?” Kaidan said as they sat at a table in a small café near the hospital.

The first human Specter looked up from her drink with a grin. “I’m Cmdr. freaking Shepard.”

The seriousness of her tone paired with what she had said gave Alenko no choice but to laugh. He held his side as Shepard remembered how good it was to hear him laugh and see him smile. So much had changed in the past few years but his laughter remained the same. He glanced over at her and noticed her staring. “What?”

“It’s good to see you laughing,” she commented as she lowered her gaze to her cup.

“Becca?” he asked, knowing there was more to it.

“I…It’s just after Horizon I wasn’t sure if I’d ever hear it again…”

He sighed and looked out over the railing at the air traffic zooming by. “We both have been through hell and come back stronger…and changed…We need time to get to know each other again…”

Kaidan glanced at her as she silently nodded. “But I want that chance…to know you again and you to know me…”

Shepard met his gaze as she asked, “So I was right when I suggested a café that sold steak?”

“Yep, you still remember,” he replied.

“Well, it’s hard to forget when you spend hours on shore leave looking for a steak house in a part of Canada you didn’t know existed,” she teased.

“It had been a while since I was there last and--we were not lost…” the sentinel protested weakly.

“Still won’t admit you were lost will you?” she asked pointedly.

“Temporally missed placed,” Kaidan said defiantly.

“Bull…but you’re cute when you’re annoyed” she commented trying to make him blush, if she still could.

“That’s it? _Cute_?” the Major repeated as if hurt.

“Well, normally you’re drop dead handsome…”

“Ummm…” he muttered as his gaze once again fell to her long red hair.

“What?” she asked confused by his sudden change in his focus.

“Nothing…just wondering why you let your hair grow out? You said once it would just get in the way…”

“I don’t know…I guess I just wanted a change…” she answered with a shrug.”…and after some things I thought maybe it would be interesting…”

“When did you start letting it…” he asked almost afraid to voice the question.

“After Horizon…”she said after a long silence.

He visibly flinched as he asked, “It’s not because I said you look good with long hair is it?”

“Partly, but Tali and Kasumi convinced me to be a little more girly now and then,” she admitted sheepishly, realizing he’d never really seen her out of uniform except for their very short shore leave before the destruction of the _Normandy_.

Alenko was quiet for a moment as he studied her. She cocked her head almost getting embarrassed. “What?”

“Maybe, when I get out of the hospital and you’re around the Citadel again, we could go out, together.”

“Isn’t ‘ _together’_ how we’d have to go out…”

“Shepard,” he said in an annoyed tone.

“Oh… _OH_ …hell, you mean like a date or something,” Shepard yelped as her eyes went wide.

“Well, yeah. It’s one thing we never really got a chance to do,” Kaidan admitted quietly.

“When you’re better…” she replied feeling a smile sneak up on her. “I think I’d like that.’

“Really?” he asked, surprise evident in his gravelly voice.

“Yeah, Major. Really,” she confirmed with a nod.

“Oh, well. Good. I’ll pick next time,” he commented with a smile.

“Preferably without getting misplaced?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a mock salute.

“You know you don’t technically have to call me that anymore. You kind of out rank me…”

“You’re a Specter.”

“You’re more than likely going to be.”

“You always hated being called that.”

“Just by you.”

“Me?” Kaidan said with surprise again.

“Yeah, I like how you say my name,” the Cmdr. admitted timidly.

“Shepard?”

“No.”

“Rebecca?”

“Yes.”

“You’re turning red. I made Cmdr. Shepard turn red,” Kaidan said with triumph in his voice. He had rarely ever gotten the better of her.

“Shut up Alenko,” was her snappy come back. It usually was on the rare occasion he won.

“Yes, Rebecca,” he replied in a husky tone that usually led to other things.

She growled but then quickly smiled as he shot one of his own at her. “Want to walk by the water recyclers?”

“You mean the ponds with no fish?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Sure. But are you up for it?”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise. Besides there’s benches if I get tired.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “But only if you promise to tell me if you need to…”

“I promise,” he assured as he offered her his arm. She hesitated and then took it as they walked out of the café.

********

“So there really aren’t fish in there?”

“Yeah. I suppose some people would think there are though…”

“Some Krogans do…They’re special though.”

“ _Riiight_ ,” he replied as he ran a hand through his hair. Her visit had been completely unexpected, but welcome. Things that had been bugging him had been resolved, especially since they were spending the entire day together. Granted he was still injured but he was able to see her, the _real_ her. The woman beneath the Cmdr. Shepard façade. The woman whom he had fallen in love with all those years ago. She had let him in as had he.

Things had changed. He had so much as told her that they had to change. But right now at that moment, Alenko wondered what had worn her down so much that she had come to him. They were at a fragile point in their relationship, but she still felt as if he were the one she could trust. It was his shoulder that she had come seeking. It meant a lot to him, but also confused him. Maybe he was over thinking things again, but he needed to know. It would annoy her: he was sure, but if she really were the real Shepard she’d expect it and probably knew it was coming.

He caught her looking at him out of the corner of his eye and just shook his head. Proving him right, she said, “Okay, Alenko. Out with it. You’re thinking way too hard about something that should probably be real simple.”

“Guilty as charged,” he said knowing his tell was running his hand repeatedly through his hair. “I was just wondering…Why me? Why air all this out with me? After everything that has happened, you could have gone to Garrus or Tali or Liara…Why—“

“It never occurred to me to go to them. When I need to talk to someone about…my own problems, doubts, fears, you’re the only who has ever come to mind…”

“But I wasn’t there a year ago—“

“The Drell that’s been talking to you, Thane. I talked to him but mostly about his…problems and that helped with mine at the time. But all I wanted to do the whole time was talk to you, see you, tell you what was going on, explain why I had to do what I was doing the way I had to do it…But things were so hard simply because neither of us really knew all the facts. Others were keeping things from us for better or worse. And with all that, the Alpha Relay, and the Reapers now…I don’t know how much I have left to give…”

“Rebecca, I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything, Kaidan. I just needed you to know things. And if this thing between us doesn’t work the way we always thought it would, just know that I am a better person for having known you. And I wouldn’t change anything…”

“Well, maybe I would have kissed you on Horizon first and then had our argument…”

“Hmmm, speaking of that, I think I owe you a thank you for springing me even if it’s just for the day,” he replied as he leaned down carefully and kissed her lightly.

Shepard looked up into his whiskey colored eyes and smiled. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. But I think if I weren’t technically still in the hospital, I’d want to do more to thank you,” the Major said suggestively.

“ _Kaidan_!” she squeaked.

“Well, I got to make sure everything’s still in working order,” he admitted half-jokingly, half serious.

“You are an evil man when you want to be.”

“I had a good teacher,” he replied pinching her behind quickly.

“ _Ahhhh_ ,” she yelped. “If you weren’t injured…”

“I know. I know. I expect payback for that. But it was worth it.”

She rolled her eyes as he continued to grin at her. “What?” she asked confused.

“You’re smiling. I got you to smile,” he said proudly.

“Yes, you did. Thank you,” Shepard agreed, giving him the victory without any grief.

“Not a problem,” he commented as he ran a thumb long her jaw line. “I like to see you smile.”

Shepard almost blushed as he motioned for them to sit down on a nearby bench. She sat down beside him not quite touching. As the Major settled in, he looked over at her. She was still smiling but avoiding his gaze. Taking a chance, he moved his right arm to rest on the back of the bench behind her. The Commander stiffened for just a moment and then relaxed. Kaidan watched in silent amazement as she ever so slightly moved closer to him. She settled into his shoulder as he slowly brought his arm to rest on her shoulders.

“I missed this,” she said softly looking up at him timidly. It was cute seeing her like that. It happened so rarely.

“I did too, Becca,” he replied as she laid her head on his shoulder. Her hair spilled across his chest as he just watched her stare off at the air traffic to and from the Presidium. With his left hand he began absentmindedly playing with her dark red locks.

“Do you think there’s a chance that we could do this more often?” Shepard asked quietly.

“Yes,” Alenko replied without hesitation.

*******

Kaidan looked at the woman standing by the window staring out at the darkening sky. It was getting close to time for the Cmdr. to return to the _Normandy_. Visiting hours would be over with soon and he was sure some of his doctors would complain that he hadn’t had enough rest. He didn’t care. They had spent time together and had come to an understanding, more so than before.

“Come over here,” he called from the bed he was sitting on the side of.

Shepard turned ever so slightly to face him. “Why?”

“Because I asked nicely,” he replied with the grin she could never turn down.

“Kaidan…”

“Rebecca…please?”

She sighed and walked over to him. Coming to stand in front of him, she watched as he placed his hands on her hips. Shepard let him pull her towards him as he looked at her intently. “I know you have to go back to the _Normandy_ soon and I still wish I could go with you.”

Her features fell ever so slightly. If anyone else had been there they wouldn’t have been able to tell. But it was Kaidan and he realized he still knew a thing or two about the invincible Cmdr. Shepard. “Hey, we’ll see each other again…I’ve got things to do and I have to give Udina an answer, but after that…if you still want me on board…”

“Of course I want you back on the _Normandy_ ,” the Specter said as she cupped his stubble covered cheek.

“Shep, I—we…Things are complicated all over and I don’t see them getting any less complicated any time soon…” he started as he cocked his head. “But whatever this is between us, I want to figure it out.”

“I want that too, Kaidan,” she said letting a smile grace for lips again.

“Good,” he replied with a grin. “’Cause I want you to promise me something.”

“What?”

“If you ever feel like you can’t do something, if you think you can’t go on, if you have doubts—about anything, talk to me. Call me, email me, find me. Okay?”

“Kaidan, you have your own problems…”

“So what? You once said you needed me to be there while you figured things out. Maybe this time we need each other to be there…for each other,” he said as memories of their almost first kiss flashed through his mind.

She was silent for a moment as she took in what he had requested. “Does that mean we are going to try and figure out what we are?”

“Absolutely, Cmdr.,” Kaidan confirmed with certainty.

“I think you’ll make an excellent Specter, Major. You have come into your own…without me—“

“I did it _for_ you, Rebecca. To honor you memory. It was all I could do to keep me sane…”

“Kaidan, I never wanted to die on you…”

“You’re here now. That’s what’s counts. That is what matters to me.”

She shook her head as he pulled her toward him more. The Major said, “I need to know you will be okay. You’re not alone in this…”

“I know, but sometimes I just…I don’t want anyone else to have to bear the responsibility…”

“Even if they want to help you. I know and I remember how stubborn you can be,” he said pointedly.

“Me?” she replied with feigned surprise.

“Yeah, _you_.”

She smiled at him and asked, “What did I do to have such a sweetheart in my life?”

“I’m a sweetheart? Even after everything?”

“Yes and you know it,” Shepard said with fake annoyance.

Kaidan chuckled as he pulled her down for another light kiss. “You should get back. If you stay any longer I won’t be able to let you leave…”

“Kaidan, I don’t want to…” she confessed softly.

“I know.”

She sighed and disengaged herself from her former LT as he said, “Promise me you’ll call me if you need to talk…”

“I promise, Kaidan,” she replied honestly.

“Good. I might need you to spring me if they keep running tests just because I have an L2 implant.”

“I’ll see what I can arrange…”

“Next time, maybe we could take a real shore leave together…”

“Shore leave?”

“Yeah. Think about it. It might help…”

“Huh. Yeah. It might.”

“Shore leave. Something to look forward to, Rebecca. Something to help remind you what we’re fighting for…And to help you remember there’s someone who would fight _for_ you.”

“Kaidan…”

“You should go now. I—I think we’ve said enough for now. Just remember. Shore leave and maybe what you could do on it.”

“With you?”

“Well, ideally, yes.”

“Hmmm, I think I like the sound of that…”

As Shepard winked at Alenko, she saw him smile and blush. She quietly laughed as the doors closed behind her. Throwing her jacket over her shoulder, she waved at him through the window. He shyly waved back as the Cmdr. realized just how much she could still affect him and how much she really did love him. She’d have to remember to thank EDI properly for the suggestion for shore leave. Maybe helping the unique AI with her relationship with Joker would be a way…


	2. Now

_If I hadn’t backed down first, I feel you would have taken me out._

Those words echoed in the reinstated Commander Shepard’s head over and over. Even eight hours after the Cerberus coup and attempt on the Council’s lives…and the standoff with Kaidan. She would have never thought they would ever have pulled guns on each other. They just started patching things up and were finally moving passed Horizon. He wanted to be on the _Normandy_ again. He’d turned down Hackett’s position to do so.

_It’s not every day you have an armed standoff with someone you love._

He still loved her. He said he had her back from now on and would never doubt her again…

Cmdr. Shepard shook her head as she finished looking through the messages that had accumulated at her private terminal. She needed to see him. He was aboard now. She could see him almost anytime… But she just suddenly needed to see him, talk to him, make sure everything was still good between them. While the conversation in the airlock earlier had been hopeful, she still had doubts.

“Cmdr., if you are done, EDI and I can forward any important information to you. Why don’t you rest? It’s been a…long day,” the woman to her right said.

The red head gave her a half smile and replied, “Alright, Traynor. But I’m holding you to that.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the specialist answered with a salute and a smile.

As Shepard headed to the elevator, EDI chimed in. “I believe Major Alenko is still up. He is currently in the observation lounge.”

The Cmdr. rolled her eyes as she said, “Thanks, EDI.”

“You are welcome, Shepard,” EDI replied as Traynor wished her goodnight.

After the elevator doors shut and she selected her desired deck, EDI came back over the comm in a lower voice. “Shepard, it may not be my place, but I believe that the Major has received some disturbing news. He’s vitals and demeanor indicates that he is… _distressed_. Perhaps your presence would help…”

“EDI, has he been anywhere besides the lounge since he came aboard?”

“He dropped one duffle bag off in his quarters, stopped by the medbay, and then inquired where a quiet place would be.”

“Okay. Thanks, EDI. I’ll take care of it…and EDI, make sure he has access to the loft if he needs it.”

“Noted, Shepard. Signing you out.”

The Cmdr. nodded her thanks again as the elevator doors opened to reveal a very quiet crew deck. It was night on the ship, nearly mid-night. She walked to the observation lounge and thought about knocking. She then thought better of it. If he did want a quiet place, that usually meant he didn’t want to talk. But he more than likely needed to. She did.

She walked into the lounge without knocking to find Kaidan leaning against the window. His forearm against the glass with his forehead resting on it. He looked so…defeated. She’d never seen him like that before. He’d always been strong, especially for her. In their early conversations on board the SR1, there had been hints of the hurt and pain he kept carefully hidden away. Even after they had gotten closer than they were ever supposed to, he still kept most of it under wraps. Even around her. But now…

He said nothing nor made a move to acknowledge her presence. She walked up to him, standing a few feet away. Softly she said his name. He did nothing for several long moments. Shepard decided to wait until he was ready and turned to watch the stars streak passed the _Normandy_.

Finally he took a ragged breath. “All seems so calm from here. There are people going through hell in a million different ways…out there.”

“And I want to be fighting alongside them, but…” he continued as he finally turned to look at her. “I want to be here. You know?”

“Sure,” she managed to say, trying to read the man she had once thought she could spend the rest of her life with. Now she was just trying to play catch up with how much he had changed. She watched him turn back to the window as she inquired, “Thinking of anyone specific?”

“I heard from my mom, Shepard,” he replied glancing her way but refusing to meet her gaze. “My dad is MIA…He’s presumed…”

Alenko didn’t finish the thought. He didn’t have to. Shepard quickly forgot about the problems she was having and went into Commander mode. She’d support him any way she could—friend, fellow soldier, or more. Whatever he needed. “Tell me what happened. You said they got out of Vancouver.”

The Major finally looked at her and said, “He left mom at the orchard and reported for active duty. It’s all we know, but it’s…uh, it’s enough.”

She watched him turn back to the window again as he added helplessly, “She’s alone in this now…in all this.”

The Specter paused and then said, “I feel for you, Kaidan. And I’m glad you told me.”

She took a step toward him as she continued choosing her words carefully so there would be no misunderstanding, “There’s strength in camaraderie. In empathy.”

“Thanks. You’re right,” Kaidan said as he turned to her. “I don’t know how you do it, Shepard. Keeping it all together like you do. Earth is always in the back of my mind. Haunting me.”

“I get that. I do,” she admitted, flashing on one of the reasons she had originally wanted to find him. But she said no more, knowing it was more important for him to talk at the moment _. But I don’t always keep it together…you just don’t see it._

“And my students…well, wherever they are. I know they’re kicking ass on Earth or somewhere,” he said with a wishful tone in his voice.

She nodded as his mood suddenly became brighter. “You know, when this war is over, there’s going to be one hell of a reunion party.”

Shepard met his gaze and agreed. “Hell, yeah.”

He smile as he said, “Dancing in the streets. Hugging and crying…”

The Commander watched as he paused, lowering his voice as he added, “My mom’s always wanted to travel off planet…I think I’ll take her.”

He lowered his gaze as Shepard remained quiet. Unsure what to say or if he even wanted her to say anything. Finally he perked up, but she knew it was just a show. That much she could still read from him.

“Thanks for coming,” he said as if he wanted her to leave. Giving her a way out.

_Same old Kaidan._ But she didn’t want a way out. And the look in his whisky colored eyes begged her to stay. He wouldn’t ask simply because he felt he hadn’t earned that right yet. _Bull…_

She took several steps towards him, stopping mere inches from his chest. “Kaidan, it’s good to have you back…”

It wasn’t exactly what she had wanted to say but it’s what came out. He looked at her almost confused. “Shepard, it’s late…Shouldn’t you get some sleep instead of listening to me—“

“Talk about what’s bothering you?” she interrupted as she placed a hand lightly on his chest.

“Shepard, we’re heading for talks with the Quarians. You need your rest…I know how much stress you’re under.”

“And you’re not? Come on, Kaidan. This is me you’re talking to. I think I remember enough about you to know when you need to have someone around but don’t want to ask,” she said pointedly with the ‘gotcha’ glare again.

He sighed as he took a step back. “This is all moving a little fast for me. We did just have guns pointed at one another a few hours ago.”

“I’m not asking for your hand in marriage, Alenko. I just want to know if you want me to stay with you for a little while,” she commented, a little hurt that he had broken contact with her and was trying to still give her a way out. She needed this as much as he did.

“ _Shepard_ …” he said turning from her to face the book shelf behind him.

Even though she didn’t want to, she offered as she put her hand down, “If you want me to leave, tell me.”

He said nothing. After a long silent minute, the Commander concluded that was what he wanted. She turned to head to the door disappointedly as she called quietly, “Good night, Kaidan.

A soft gravelly voice called her name, stopping her dead in her tracks. “Rebecca, don’t…don’t go. _Please_?”

She turned back to the second human Specter. He held out a hand as he glanced her way. “I…I want you to stay.”

Relief flooded her whole being as she took his extended hand in hers. “Okay.”

He suddenly pulled her to his chest in a fierce embrace. “Everything’s going to hell, but somehow we find each other again…It doesn’t make any sense.”

“Our relationship never made any sense. Why should it start now?” she asked as she hugged him back.

“Do you regret it?” he asked pulling back from her to look at her face.

She frowned. That had not been something she’d expected. He clarified. “Do you regret _us_?”

Without hesitation, Shepard replied, “No. I could never regret being with you. I only regret…”

“What?” he asked hooking her chin with his index finger. His features showed how worried he was and that bothered her more than she thought it would.

She tried to turn away from him but his finger made that impossible. “I…I never wanted to die on you, Kaidan. I tried to get back to the pod…but the Collector beam knocked me back…I had to get Joker away…”

She looked at his chest as the words just kept spilling out. “When I woke up on that Cerberus station, I could only think how angry you were going to be at me for getting hurt…again and why you weren’t there…I—“

“Hey, hey, sweetheart, we’re here now. _Together_ ,” he soothed as he realized just how strained she really was. How much they both were. “I know I wasn’t there…then, but I’m here _now_.”

She nodded but said nothing. She hadn’t wanted to break down in front of him especially after the news about his parents. She refused to meet his eyes, knowing he was in pain too. “Sorry. I didn’t come here to cry. You—“

“Shep,” he said, his voice shaky. “Rebecca, please look at me.”

Slowly she did as he said, “You make me stronger. If I can do the same thing for you, let me. We’re good together like that.”

“Kaidan, I didn’t come here to—,“ the Cmdr. attempted to protest again.

“I don’t care why you came. I’m just glad you did. We both need this. Especially now,” Alenko said firmly.

She half laughed. “You still know what to say…”

He smiled at her. “I can still put my foot in my mouth if I don’t think about it first though.”

Shepard said as she ran a hand down his chest. “You haven’t so far…”

“Give me time,” he assured her as he watched her closely.

“Only if you make the same promise I made you,” she said meeting his gaze.

“Wha—Oh, well I don’t…”

“ _Alenko_!”

He smiled at her and lowered his head to her level. “I promise to talk to you if something is bothering me.”

“Good,” she said softly as she watched him move closer. He felt his lips graze hers ever so lightly as if asking for permission. When she didn’t shove him away, he kissed her gently. Shepard let her hand drift up to his shoulders. One hand found its way to his hair and rubbed his scalp just over where his implant scar was. He jerked slightly and then relaxed. He’d only ever allowed her to touch it. She was the only one who had ever made it feel…good.

“My Becca,” he breathed in-between kisses. She sighed as she realized despite what had happened to keep them a part, she was still deeply in love with her former LT. Shepard pulled on his uniform which caused him to pull back slightly. “We should stop before…”

“I know,” she replied but refused to leave his arms. “Could you come to my cabin…so we can just talk?”

“Talk?”

“Yeah, talk. Maybe some cuddling…”

“Cuddling? The great Cmdr. Shepard cuddles?”

“ _Only_ with you and _only_ if you don’t tell anyone.”

“I promise.”


	3. With You

_You know, my life flashed before my eyes on Mars—and there weren’t enough moments like this…with people I cared about._

Kaidan’s words from their ‘date’ earlier kept ringing in her ears. That was what they were fighting for wasn’t it? The ability for everyone to be with the ones they cared about without having to worry about extinction. Did that include her? Did she have the right to those moments too even with the monumental responsibility she had been saddled with? If not, then wouldn’t she forget what it meant to be human, and why she was fighting so hard?

Shepard shook her head as she thought about the reason she fought. He was two decks down. Safe and sound on the _Normandy_. She’d had lunch with him just hours ago on the Citadel after they had been detoured from their talks with the Quarians to deal with yet another Cerberus threat. They had returned to the center of Council space to resupply and turn over some classified intel they had recovered.

Despite the danger, it had been great to fight alongside Kaidan again. Even with the gap in years since they had fought as a team, they still complimented each other’s fighting style well. But Alenko wanted more than to just fight at her side. This time he wanted to know her, to just spend what time they could spare together without a Reapers, Geth, rogue Specters, or politics being involved. Despite her fondness for weapons and dangerous situations, she found the prospect interesting. She could use a little bit of down time not dedicated to worrying over strategies she’d already approved and things she couldn’t change…

The Cmdr. still hadn’t told him about her recurring nightmare of the little boy she hadn’t been able to save. Even after their confesses earlier, she wasn’t sure she was ready to share that just yet. He knew she wasn’t sleeping well either but hadn’t pressed the issue yet. He probably wouldn’t until he thought it was going to affect the mission. How long before that happened though?

She glanced at the chronometer as she sat on her couch. It was 23:32. She should try to get some sleep. They were going to leave out for the Quarian Fleet again in the morning, hopefully. She suppressed a yawn as she stripped off the black N7 hoodie she had on. Her current wardrobe was so much better than the one she’d had just a few months ago while working with Cerberus. Well, the dress Kasumi had got her was the one exception but that wasn’t Cerberus.

She smiled wistfully at the memory of the thief as she moved to the bed. Suddenly the door chimed causing the Specter to growl. “Of course they’d wait until I am going to bed…”

“Shepard, it is Major Alenko,” EDI volunteered making Shepard feel bad for her comment.

“Oh, okay. Thanks EDI,” she replied as she padded barefoot to the door. She was dressed in the tank top she usually slept in and a pair of loose fitting grey cotton pants. If it had been anyone else she would have changed. Hell, a few days ago if it had been Kaidan, she would have changed. Now she didn’t care. Amazing how one conversation can change so much…

The Cmdr. opened the door to reveal a casually dressed Kaidan Alenko. He wore the same outfit he had when she had sprung him from the hospital for a day. “EDI said you were still awake…”

“Still can’t sleep?” she asked wondering exactly why he was there. Not that she minded. He was the one person she wanted she drop in on her unannounced. On the SR1 he’d done it once. The night before the Ilos run…

“Well, yes and no,” he replied as she moved aside for him to enter. He looked around her cabin and let out a low whistle. “Big place.”

“Wait, you haven’t been up here?” she said as the door closed behind him.

“I wasn’t part of the refit, Shepard. The only reason I was in Vancouver was because I was supposed to testify…” he trailed off as he gazed at the fish tank. 

“Kaidan, you don’t have to pretend that I didn’t know they were going to have you testify about me. I figured they would,” she said as she came to stand by him near the top of the stairs.

He glanced at her with half a smile. “Can we not talk about that…”

“Yeah,” she agreed as she motioned to the couch she had just vacated. “So what is keeping you up? I thought we might have eliminated one of the reasons.”

“Oh, well, we did. But one problem goes away, and another replaces it,” he replied as he sat on the couch by her. He leaned forward resting his forearms on his thighs as she leaned against the back of the couch.

She frowned. “Now you’re starting to sound like Garrus. What’s up?”

“Well, I can’t really do anything about the war until we win…” he started, obviously not sure how to continue.

Shepard cocked her head as she concluded it had something to do with her and he still wasn’t sure exactly how to talk to her. She looked at his profile since he refused to look at her. In the blue light from the tank, she thought she saw some grey hair trying to sneak in and wondered if she had anything to do with that.

Tentatively she placed a hand on his shoulder as she said, “Kaidan, talk to me. If you have something you need to say, say it. I won’t bite…hard.”

He turned to her and gave her a weak grin. “I know. I just don’t want you to think I’m being over protective or trying to pull rank or something…”

She frowned. Now he had her worried. It was about her. “Kaidan, what is it?”

He took her hand from his shoulder and held it in both his hands. “I want you to be honest with me.”

“I have been…”

“No, Shepard. I know you have been about everything else. But I know you worry about everyone else first and then yourself if there’s time,” he continued as he felt her try to pull away. He didn’t let her as he asked, “How are you holding up? Really?”

“Kaidan…”

“Don’t _Kaidan_ me, Shep. This is serious,” he snapped just like he had on Mars. “I need to know. I want to help you, be there for you if…if you want that.”

She was silent for a moment as she took in what he was saying. He was just trying to help her. He didn’t doubt her ability but knew even she had limits. She let out a ragged breath and leaned heavily against his shoulder. He drew her closer to him as he leaned back against the couch.

“It…it’s been hard…but I can’t let anyone know how much pressure…” she mumbled into his shirt.

“Shepard, you can’t do it alone. You’re not. I can help…however you need me to,” Kaidan assured her as he ran a hand through her long red tresses.

She reached for his hand as she said, “You make me strong. Just being back on the _Normandy_ …It helps more than you know.”

“I…I’m here for you. I want to be your strength…you’re soft place to land,” he said with conviction as she looked up at him. “I need to know you’re alright.”

“Kaidan…”

He hooked a finger under her chin and said, “Rebecca, I love you.”

She cupped his stubble covered cheek as she whispered, “I love you too. I never stopped…Please stay, for a little while.”

“Whatever you need,” he said as he settled into a more comfortable position, pulling her fully against him. She let out a contented sigh as she placed a hand on his chest. He felt her relax against him much to his relief.

After a few minutes he realized she was asleep. He smiled and laid his head against the wall. He’d stay until she woke up or duty called. Either way at that moment he was where he wanted to be for the first time in a long time.

******

Kaidan woke up from his restful sleep to a scream and felt someone’s biotics flare. He automatically threw up a barrier as he rolled off the couch. He came to a crouch by the fish tank as he drew dark energy to his hands in preparation to deploy a warp. He froze in mid-motion as he realized it was Shepard who had screamed and then flared up.

She had fallen to her knees and was hugging herself. “Rebecca?”

The Cmdr. shook her head and refused to meet his eyes. He shut off his own biotics as he crawled over to her. “What happened?”

“I…couldn’t save him. He said I couldn’t. And he was right,” she sobbed into her hands. All her doubts had come to the surface and it scared him. “He was only a child!”

Kaidan suddenly realized she was talking about the little boy he had caught her staring at when they had left Earth. His shuttle had been destroyed by a reaper just as the _Normandy_ had taken off. He reached for her as he understood why she hadn’t been sleeping either. “Come here.”

Without any protest from her, he pulled her to his chest tightly. She limply clung to him as the tears still fell. It was the polar opposite of the Cmdr. Shepard everyone knew, but she was still human. Most people seemed to forget that. He had once, and Horizon had been the result.

He soothed the best he knew how. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay, Becca. I promise.”

“I want to believe you, but so many have been lost,” she whispered into his shoulder.

“Then we fight for the ones left, and honor the memory of those we’ve lost,” he said sternly as he tilted her head up to look at him.

Her green eyes were still full of tears as he kissed her forehead. “Believe that and believe that I’m here for you and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Kaidan, how can you be so strong?”

He smiled down at her. “You.”

“I don’t deserve you…with everything I’ve done…”

“Don’t ever say that again. We’re together and we’re going to stay like that no matter what,” he said firmly. “You’ve done what you’ve had to do…”

She gave him a weak smile as she ran a shaky had through his dark hair. He closed his eyes and leaned into her palm. Suddenly he felt soft lips pressed gently to his. He opened his eyes and saw she had moved closer to him. He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off by claiming his lips in a more intense kiss. She climbed into his lap as he automatically wrapped his arms around her.

“Kai…dan, please stay…with me,” she pleaded between desperate kisses. “I need…you.”

“Always,” he said as he trailed kisses down her neck to her collarbone. He held her tightly to him as he felt her tremble. Alenko ran his hand through her long red hair as he said, “I need you too, Becca.”

“Please, Kaidan, I want to remember what we’re fighting for, what it means to be human,” she almost begged as he looked into her green eyes. She seemed so vulnerable and frightened. It scared him to see her in such a state. But he knew he could help her, and she was really giving him the chance…

“If…if you really want this, Rebecca…” he replied as he kissed her forehead.

“I want to be with you. We’ve wasted so much time and now there may not be that much left…”

“Hey, don’t talk that way. We’re together. That’s what matters right now…You and me,” the sentinel soothed as he pulled her to her feet with him. She clung to him as he began to maneuver them towards her bed.

Kaidan saw her smile as he echoed the words from over 3 years ago, spoken during the night before Ilos. “You aren’t going to leave a way out are you?”

“Hell no! Why would I want out of this? I have what I wanted back. There isn’t anything else I need,” he answered as he began kissing her neck again. “I love you.”

Shepard looked up at him with adoration. “I love you too, Kaidan.”

Kaidan pulled her against him tightly. The Commander closed her eyes, losing herself in the over-whelming sensation of the kiss she'd been craving for so long, while her hands held onto Kaidan's back desperately.

Their lips connected with a passion she had missed for so long and an intense heat started to surge through her entire body as she opened her mouth slightly. Kaidan's tongue entered it, answering her unspoken hunger.

Without thinking about it, Shepard's hands wandered down to Alenko's waist and began to pull at his shirt. Her fingers finding the bare skin beneath it, teasing him with the soft touch he’d missed for nearly three years. Breathing heavily, he let go of her for a moment to pull his shirt over his head. The Major threw it carelessly on the deck plates before doing the same with her tank top.

As soon as the irritating clothes were out of the way, Shepard was back in Kaidan's arms, her mouth finding his immediately. She could feel one hand press against her back, encouraging her closer to him. She complied, savoring the feeling of her breasts against his strong chest.

Without breaking their passionate kiss, Kaidan slowly began to move forward, directing Shepard back towards her bed in the corner of the cabin.

When her legs hit the bed frame, she let herself sink backward, down onto the soft mattress that was obviously not standard Alliance issue. Kaidan followed her slowly, his knees on either side of the Commander, looking down at her.

"You're so beautiful." He was half kneeling above her, and his gaze was filled with a mixture of lust and longing. It was so strong that it almost took Shepard's breath away. She reached up to run a hand across his cheek gently, letting him know she had missed his touch too.

Kaidan smiled that smile that was meant only for her. She realized just how much she had missed that smile…and needed it. “Kaidan, I…”

Shepard trailing off, not sure what to say. He kissed her lightly as he whispered, “Don’t say anything…You don’t have to.”

Kaidan guided her hand down his chest and over his firm stomach towards the buckle of his belt, not once taking his eyes off of hers in the process.

Returning his gaze, Shepard followed the invitation and undid the belt, then pushed Kaidan's pants plus briefs down as much as she could from her position, revealing his impressive arousal that immediately caught her eye. She smiled and pulled Kaidan down to her to kiss him once more, while her fingers traced across his exposed skin teasingly.

His breathing stopped shortly, but then he pressed himself against her still fully clothed legs, ending their skin contact for the moment.

"Bec...ca" He spoke in a hoarse whisper, his hand now busy pulling at her sweatpants in return. It took only a short moment, but Kaidan almost had to force himself to let go of the Commander long enough to be able to fully remove both of their remaining clothes.

When they were both completely naked, he sank down on top of her again and captured Shepard's mouth in another rough kiss, before his lips began to wander. He placed soft kisses on her jaw line and down the side of her neck until he finally reached her breasts.

While he was gently stroking the other with his fingertips, Kaidan licked in small circles across her left breast, eventually focusing on the sensitive center. He kept going until Shepard began to moan in pleasure; the sign he'd been waiting for that she was ready to proceed.

Kaidan moved back up to her mouth and pressed his lips onto hers while slowly tracing one hand down between her legs to make sure that she was absolutely ready. She nodded with a smile, letting him know for certain she was ready. He brought himself in position and then pushed forward, keeping his eyes open to look at the woman below him to avoid being too rough by accident.

But Major Alenko soon noticed that the opposite was the case as Shepard wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him against her, while pushing herself up at the same time. But even as he picked up the pace she continued to push against him, almost struggling, until he eased off and allowed her to push him over onto his back with her coming to sit on top of him.

The Commander took a deep breath and relaxed visibly, now that she was in control again and soon started to move up and down at a slow pace, closing her eyes to focus on the sensation.

Kaidan looked up at her, her beauty almost striking him as he took in the sight of her delicate frame. Breathing heavily, he let her take over for a few minutes, but then decided to not just let her have her way with him. He was determined to show her that she didn’t have to be in control of everything all the time.

He pushed himself up into a sitting position, so his face was only a few inches away from Shepard's and wrapped his left arm around her lower back to steady himself. He could feel her hot breath on his lips and leaned forward to kiss her, the Rebecca responded immediately.

While their tongues fought for dominance, Kaidan let his free hand wander across Shepard's body, finding her breast which earned him a low moan in reply. His fingertips traced gently across her soft skin and he felt the woman in his arm shivering slightly from the pleasure.

Shepard kept moving but noticed that her control of the situation was slowly fading. She was losing herself in Kaidan's touch and felt herself responding to him more and more, something that she hadn’t been prepared to let happen.

Moving her hands to his shoulders, she pushed gently to force the other Specter back down on the bed, but he didn't give into her. Instead, the hand that had so far been caressing her breast slowly moved down, across her stomach and only came to a halt when it had found her most sensitive spot.

Taking a sharp breath, Rebecca pulled back in surprise as the touch sent an unexpected wave of pleasure trough her body. She stared at Kaidan, barely able to form a coherent thought anymore, let alone speak out loud.

"What… what are you doing?" She asked, her voice strained with lust.

"Taking charge." The biotic answered back, before he recaptured Shepard's lips in another passionate kiss, his fingers skillfully moving between her legs.

She tried to move back, to get away from the overpowering sensations that were flooding her body, but Kaidan moved his hip up slightly and fastened his hold around the Rebecca simultaneously, thereby deepening their connection even more.

Shepard broke the kiss as the pleasure was beginning to build up inside of her. Biting down hard on her bottom lip to stop herself from screaming, she stopped fighting against Kaidan and instead started moving on her own again, his touch still filling her with a thrill of ecstasy.

Major Alenko watched as _the_ Cmdr. Shepard finally gave into him and allowed herself to be taken over by pure instinct. Her fingers dug into his shoulders painfully as she finally climaxed, a wave of incredible lust and pleasure wracking her body.

When it was over, the first human Specter slumped down, exhausted, and Kaidan wrapped both of his arms around her to steady her. He pulled her weakened body against his so her head came to rest on his shoulder, her hot breath brushing against his ear.

They stayed that way for a while until Shepard had recovered enough to pull back from Kaidan's embrace, at least a little, so she could look at him again.

"You're so beautiful." He muttered, before the Commander had the chance to say anything, watching her intently.

"You said that already," she replied, still panting heavily, but with a smile playing on her lips.

"I know, but I meant when you…," he paused, searching for a less awkward way to phrase his next words, "Reach that high. There's always so much happening, so much pressure on you, but just now you let all of that go, even if only for one small moment. Because in that moment you weren't an Alliance Commander or a Specter, you were just you, Rebecca, the woman I fell in love with."

Shepard swallowed and looked into Kaidan's eyes for a long moment, almost overwhelmed by the sincerity in them.

"Love, huh? That's a pretty big word," she teased as she realized how much better she felt.

"I know,” he replied glad she was visibly better. “I learned all kinds of big words in school. Use to confuse bullies with them. But the girls seemed to like it.”

"So you have ‘ _girls’_ now do you?” She answered, looking down at their naked bodies, still joined.

“Hell, no and you know it,” he replied as ran a hand over her ribs causing her to squirm. “Besides there’s only one ‘girl’ for me…We're both soldiers. Specters now. I don't have to tell you about missed chances."

"No, you don't." The Commander's face hardened slightly, but Kaidan noticed and pulled her closer. Their lips touched gently, but just when Shepard was about to give in to the kiss, the Major fastened his hold on her and suddenly spun her around, so that he was lying on top again.

Their eyes locked; both soldiers were silent for a moment and this time Shepard didn't fight for the upper hand when Kaidan started moving again.

Her right hand stroked gently across his back, while the other was buried in his hair, but the Commander didn't really notice what she was doing. She kept constant eye contact with Alenko, his weight on top of her keeping her in place as he moved in and out of her.

Pulling her legs up, Rebecca slightly altered the angle in which Kaidan was entering her, intensifying the feeling for both of them. He groaned in reply while she bit her bottom lip once more to keep quiet.

Kaidan kept moving slowly, but each of his deep thrusts sent a wave of pleasure and excitement through Shepard's body, slowly building up inside of her. He had been supporting his weight on both of his arms so far, but now he suddenly ran one hand down her side, making her skin tingle under his soft touch, and then took hold of her thigh, pulling it up even further.

Shepard yelped in surprise as his next thrust hit a sensitive spot inside of her, making her vision spin for a moment. Now she finally broke the eye contact with Alenko, as she pulled his head down and kissed him deeply, her back and hip simultaneously arching up to meet him.

The pleasure coming from each of his movements was almost unbearable, and this time Shepard knew that Kaidan was feeling it, too.

They kept going as one, each second, each wave of emotions bringing them closer to a peak. Nothing else existed outside of this room, outside of this bed, but the two of them, finally together. Just before they both hit the climax, Kaidan broke the kiss, so he could look into Shepard's face again. Her eyes were filled with a haze of lust and passion, but she closed them tightly when she finally came for the second time that night, her whole-body stiffening.

Kaidan followed her immediately as she cramped around him, their union finally complete.

Exhausted, but also content to a point he'd never thought possible again, Kaidan sank down on Shepard, her skin unbelievably hot against his. He placed a light kiss on her lips, before resting his head next to hers.

As neither of them wanted to move, Shepard only slowly ran her fingers up Kaidan's arm, over his shoulder and to his neck, where her hand came to a rest, stroking his hairline lovingly. He sighed, feeling perfectly at peace but turned his head slightly so he could look at Shepard.

"Wow, that was…" He trailed off, unable to find the right words to describe what they had just experienced.

“I guess you missed me… _us_ ” she replied he took her hand in his. She watched him intertwine their fingers.

Kaidan nodded as he furrowed his brow. He was concentrating very hard on their hands. When he thought about something that hard, she usually started worrying. “Kaidan?”

Alenko looked at her for a second and then back at their hands. “I was just thinking…about what it would have been like if things had…turned out differently 3 years ago.”

“Regrets?” she asked trying to keep the uncertainty out of her voice.

“I—no, well yes…sort of,” he stammered out. He took a moment and then said, “I just wish that we had had more time before. I know we can’t get those years back but…it doesn’t make any sense to regret things like that. It wasn’t our choice. But I—“

“I missed you too, Kaidan. But like you said we’re together _now_ ,” she replied feeling stronger thanks to him.

He smiled at her. “Then if I get brave enough later to ask you something, it’ll be okay?”

She cocked her head as she asked, “Ask me what?”

“I’m not brave enough yet,” he admitted shyly, reminding her of the Lt. he had once been on the SR1.

“You’re one of the bravest men I know, Alenko,” Shepard reassured him as she pecked him on the cheek.

“Thanks. But I still have issues with…relationships sometimes,” Kaidan replied as he held her tighter.

“It probably doesn’t help that you’re seeing Cmdr. Shepard…” she offered as she settled against his chest.

“Well it makes things more interesting,” he agreed.

“Kaidan, what is it?” Rebecca tried one more time to get him to open up.

She felt him shake his head as he said, “I’ll ask when I’m ready. It’s nothing bad. I promise. Just give me some time. Okay?”

“Okay,” Shepard sighed. “But will you stay for the rest of the night? Please?”

“Sure. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” he said as he felt sleep tugging at them both. “As long as I’m with you.”


	4. Q. & A.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan is finally brave enough to ask the question. What will Rebecca's reaction be let alone her answer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter because well...Kaidan is braver than he thinks and I never liked leaving questions unanswered...

Kaidan glanced at the chronometer for the hundredth time, waiting patiently at the base of the stairs in Shepard’s apartment. It was the last two days of their shore leave. The Normandy would be finished with the overhaul at that point and the crew would be forced back into the thick of things. After the incident with the clone, Joker’s idea of a party had been just what everyone needed. But now, Alenko’s focus was solely on Rebecca Shephard and what _she_ needed. And the Major had decided she needed a night just for her, where she got everything she wanted and deserved.

Unfortunately, the Commander was taking longer than he had anticipated getting dressed. He’d bought her a dress for the evening; one she had been eyeing since an excursion to the Presidium Commons. The master thief Kasumi Goto had been all too eager to aid Kaidan in his plan to give Shepard an evening to remember. Of course, that all depended on them getting to where they needed to be on time. He had allowed a little leeway into the schedule he mentally had but this was starting to push it.

Calling up the stairs toward the master bedroom, he hoped she was just twirling in the mirror and not having second thoughts. “Shep, are you ready yet? We’re running a little behind.”

“Cool your jets, Alenko,” her voice filtered down the stairs. “I’m looking at myself in the dress you bought me. Don’t you want me to like it?”

“Of course, Rebecca. But we need to get going.” He glanced down at his omni-tool, double checking his arrangements. They had talked about a great many things since his return to the SR2. They had grown closer than he had thought possible. He couldn’t see himself without her in his life. He didn’t want to have a life without her in it. And so he had thought about how he could show her that and had come up the evening’s plans.

If she would just come down stairs…

“Are you in a hurry, Kaidan?” Shepard asked as she appeared at the top of the steps, flashing a wide grin. “Cause I thought you might like to take in the view first.”

Glancing up from his omni-tool, his jaw dropped at the sight before him. Commander Rebecca Shepard in an honest to goodness dress of her own free will. Not because of an assignment or a crazy clone. Just because her boyfriend had bought it for her, and she had eagerly agreed to wear it.

“You look _amazing_.”

“More amazing than…”

“If you are fishing for compliments, not that you need to by the way, more amazing than anything I have ever seen.”

Shepard began descending the stairs as she asked in a softer tone, “Really?”

“Really, Becca,” he replied honestly.

He met her at the bottom step and gave her a quick kiss. “We can be a little late. The view is defiantly worth it.”

“The view I have isn’t all that bad either,” she murmured as he typed something quickly into his ‘tool and then shut it off.

Kaidan grinned at her as he offered his arm. “I take it that I’ve done good so far then.”

“Oh, yeah,” she agreed with a smirk. “Even if you had help from Kasumi.”

Kaidan chuckled. “Hey, I’ll take all the help I can get if it makes you smile like that.”

He watched as Shepard blushed but continued to smile. He mirrored it as he hoped what he had in store for the evening would lead to many more smiles in the future.

******

Kaidan’s reservations were for a restaurant on the Silversun Strip near the apartment Anderson had gifted her. He’d made sure though that there were no fish tanks in the vicinity. Too many of their friends still joked about the sushi place, including him. However, tonight was not about what had happened. He wanted it to be about what could happen.

Rebecca seemingly enjoyed every bit of the evening so far: the food, the atmosphere, the conversation, the dress. _Everything_. She smiled without hesitation, the air of responsibility and command noticeably absent for the moment. She was simply Rebecca, the woman he had fallen in love with three years prior and would do anything for.

He hoped she knew that. He hoped she knew that tonight was only about her and what he would do for her. What he hoped to do for her in the future. He glanced at his chrono again. It was almost time for the next part of the night to begin. He hoped she appreciated the surprise and wouldn’t kill him. It had to be right or—

Kaidan didn’t want to think of the alternative. It would all work out and she wouldn’t try to murder him—literally or metaphorically—for his presumptive actions. They were together now and that protected him from her temper. Didn’t it? At least he hoped.

As he paid their check and left a generous tip for the waiter, he smiled at her. Her green eyes sparkled as she mirrored his expression. His resolve was bolstered by that smile; he would chance her wrath. Rebecca was everything to him and taking this chance would cement that for everyone to see.

Rising to his feet, he offered Shepherd his elbow. The red head stood up, taking his arm as she smirked. “You are really trying to butter me up for something aren’t you?”

“Me? Butter you up? Never,” he replied with a grin as he began to lead her out of the restaurant.

“Kaidan Alenko. What are you planning?”

“I am simply planning a romantic evening with my girl,” Kaidan replied innocently knowing full well she didn’t totally believe him. Regardless, he hoped she appreciated his efforts by the end of the evening.

********

A half hour later the two human Specters were taking a leisurely stroll through a garden on the Presidium planted in remembrance of the Alliance soldiers who gave their lives during Sovereign’s attack on the Citadel. Plant life from Earth as well as the other Council races grew in the area symbolizing unity. With the Citadel simulating evening, the trees and bushes were bathed in the soft glow of the walkway lights. It was quite romantic according the Shepard. Kaidan was quietly surprised at her admission. It never ceased to amaze him when she showed a side of herself that others didn’t get to experience.

As they walked hand in hand through the memorial garden, an annoying beeping sound began emanating from Shepard’s omni-tool. The quiet moment broken she cursed and activated her ‘tool. Specialist Traynor’s voice came from the comm in a slightly alarmed tone. “Commander Shepard, I am so sorry to interrupt your evening with Major Alenko, but EDI is reading several unauthorized persons aboard the Normandy.”

“ _Again?”_ Shepard nearly yelled into her omni-tool. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“I’m sorry, Commander. She is quite sure. She has lockout all primary and secondary functions,” Traynor responded. “However, this time she has been able to confine the unauthorized individuals to the CIC deck.”

“I can’t believe this—”

“Lt. Vega and Garrus are on there way to the Normandy now. EDI would like you to come as well, Commander. And she apologizes for the inconvenience but after what happened with your clone—“

“I get it Traynor. I’ll be there with Major Alenko. Just don’t let anyone steal my ship again.”

“Aye, ma’am.”

Shepherd closes down her Omni-tool as she glared off into the distance. Kaidan hazarded a comment as he tugged at her arm, “You know it wasn’t really her fault they stole the Normandy. Right?”

“I know that, Kaidan, but this is—The Normandy is the one thing that hasn’t changed, hasn’t left since I came back. It’s always there…”

Alenko froze in his tracks. Was that how she really felt? That he would leave or that he didn’t really mean what he had told her? Did that mean that she wouldn’t want what he had planned?

He felt her hand on his cheek. “The Normandy is important to me. It’s a place to be myself, to be with people that I care about, a place I can help others. But you are my home. You make the Normandy home.”

Kaidan glanced up at her, her green eyes full of love and determination. Before he could respond she added, “And I expect you to help kick these morons’ asses off my ship. _Again_.”

“Aye aye, ma’am,” the Major saluted with a smirk.

Shepard playfully punched his shoulder as they resumed their trek to Docking Bay D94. Everything was going to be alright. At least until he sprung the last part of the night on her. Either she would be ecstatic, or his ass would be kicked along with the morons aboard the Normandy.

******

Kaidan could see the overwhelming sense of déjà vu Shepard was experiencing as they approached the airlock of the Normandy. This time they would be able to gain access to the ship without the assistance of Traynor’s toothbrush. Of course, everything seemed well in hand, but Shepard was Shepard and wouldn’t be satisfied until she saw it for herself.

The Commander keyed open the exterior hatch as Kaidan watched silently. She was cursing under her breath as they moved into the airlock. He grinned to himself as he stopped her from opening the interior hatch. Shepard looked at him in annoyance, his hand not leaving hers.

“Kaidan, what are you doing?”  
  


“Something that is either going to end badly or hopefully with a happily ever after.”

She looked at him with confusion as he swallowed hard. “Do you remember when I said I wanted to ask you something, but I wasn’t brave enough?”  
  


The Commander narrowed her eyes but nodded. “Yeah, back after you rejoined the Normandy. But what does this have to do with intruders on my ship?”

“ _Everything_ as it turns out,” he admitted sheepishly as he fished in his jacket pocket. “You see, Shep…I’m brave enough now.”

“ _Now?_ With possible enemy forces on our ship? That makes you brave enough?”

“Well, not this time. The thing with the clone. The close calls on Rannoch and every other time. I can’t wait any longer…I shouldn’t have in the first place.” He pulled out a necklace, holding it out between them for her to see. “I’ve made a few mistakes in my life and I don’t want you to be one of them.”

“Kaidan, what are you—”

The Major presented the silver necklace with an etching of the SR-1 on one side and the SR-2 on the other. “Rebecca Shepard, will you marry me?”  
  


“Alenko are you out of your fricking mind?”

“Possibly. I am in love with you after all.”

“Kaidan, this isn’t—There’s a security issue on our ship—”

“No, there isn’t. Not really unless you say no. Then you might have to kick me off the ship.”

“Say no? Why would I say no?”

“Because you haven’t said yes yet.”

“You just asked me in the _airlock_ —Wait. There’s no security issue? You… _planned_ this.”

“Ummm, yes?”

“Just to propose?”

“Yes.”

“So this was all just an elaborate prank?”

“Not a prank. This part is real. I really want to marry you.”

“So you propose in the Normandy’s airlock?”

“You said the ship was important to you.”

“Well, yeah but—”

“Becca, will you marry me?”

“What? _Here_? _Now_?”

“Why not?”

“Kaidan—”

“I love you. You love me. We’ve lost enough time and I know I don’t want anyone else. _Ever_. I thought you might feel the same…”

“I do, Kaidan. But there’s a war and—”

“And what? I’m standing here asking you to marry me. That’s all. Everything else will just keep going but we’re what’s important right now. You and me.”

He watched as her expression softened as he repeated his words from their first night together, revealing a shy grin.

Softly she said, “Of course I’ll marry you, Alenko.”

Kaidan felt relief flood his being at her words. The first part was over. Now for the second, more risky part. He slowly fastened the necklace around her neck as he kissed her quickly. “Ummm, how about right now?”

“How about what right now?” she asked once again confused at she glanced down at the necklace, rubbing a thumb over the etching.

“Getting married. Right now,” the Major clarified with an uncertain expression. “We can if you want. Everything’s taken care of already if you—”

He stopped when he saw the wide grin on her face. “What?”

“You’re adorable when you are impulsive and flustered at the same time.”

“So?”

“So I’ll marry you right now. But how exactly are you going to make that happen?”

“That was surprisingly easy…I had a lot of help,” he admitted as he opened the internal airlock door.

The hatch slid open to reveal Joker in uniform blues. “It’s about time you two showed up.”

“ _Joker_?” Shepard said as Kaidan gently pulled her onto the CIC deck.

“Ah, yeah about that…” the pilot said glancing at the Major with a smirk. “For this, it’s Reverend Monroe.”

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” Shepard said in surprise as Kaidan held her hand.

“I’m Reverend Monroe if you two are still getting married,” Joker repeated as he glanced at Alenko again. In a lower voice, he asked, “She did say yes, right?”

“Ah, yeah, Joker. We’re good to go,” Kaidan affirmed with a wide grin.

“Oh good,” the pilot replied with a sigh of relief. “Cause you two are the only ones I would do this for.”

“Exactly _how_ are you a Reverend?”

“I filled out some paper work and was ordained by an official site on the extranet,” Joker explained.

“Do I want to know the name of this site?”

“It is the Universal Life Ministries which recognizes all Council species marital ceremonies and customs,” EDI called from the corridor leading to the Galaxy Map. “It _is_ official, Shepard.”

They turned to see EDI holding a bouquet of flowers while a large group of familiar faces stood behind her. Kaidan leaned over and whispered into her ear, “I thought as long as everyone was already here for Joker’s party they could hang around for a couple more days for this. I thought you might like having them here.”

Shepard glaned over at him. “You mean you want to get married now on the Normandy?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “It’s what brought us together in the first place. I thought it was only fitting.”

“Kaidan, you—How did you—I—” she fumbled with the words in a very un-Shepard like fashion as her green eyes rimmed with tears. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve everything, Becca,” Kaidan corrected as he gently shoved her towards the group of friends that waited for them. “Now how about we get married?”

She nodded quietly as EDI handed her the bouquet of flowers. “I am the flower girl, Shepard.”

The Commander looked at the AI with a raised eyebrow. Joker interjected before EDI could elaborate, “Don’t ask. She wanted to participate and picked that. We told her she wasn’t really the flower girl type, but she pointed out she was in the right age range, being only a few years old really and all.”

“Let her,” Shepard replied with a grin.

Joker nodded. “Good. I was not looking forward to you saying no. Can you just not throw the bouquet her way? I’m not ready for that yet.”

“No promises, _Reverend_ Monroe.”

“I heard that, Jeff,” EDI’s voice called from behind them.

Joker shook his head as Shepard asked, “Who’s giving me away then?”

Garrus chortled. “No one gives Commander Shepard away. But if you are looking for someone to stand up with you, I don’t think you have far to look.”

“What do you mean?” Shepard inquired with a curious glance around the CIC.

Liara grinned. “We are all a family, Shepard. This is just two members of our family cementing their bond with a promise. A promise all of us are here to witness and ensure is not broken.”

“Hey, I put all this together. I have no intentions of breaking any promise to her,” Kaidan said a little defensively.

“Good, then there’s nothing to worry about,” Wrex laughed as he punched his fists together. “Now lets get this party started!”

Kaidan rolled his eyes as Joker motioned for them to take their places. Even with all the ridiculousness of their situation, the war going on, and the unlikely group of friends surrounding them, he wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. He was where he wanted to be with the woman he wanted to be with. It would be a fight to make the life they wanted but if there was one thing they knew how to do, it was fight.

This impromptu ceremony wasn’t the act of a desperate man during a time of war. It was the act of two people who loved one another who had finally accepted that it was okay to carve out a little bit of happiness for themselves. If they denied themselves that, what were they fighting for?

*****

Joker an ordained minister.

EDI a flower girl.

Wrex and Garrus standing up as Kaidan’s groomsmen.

Liara and Tali as Shepard’s bridesmaids.

Traynor, Miranda, Chakwas, Cortez, Vega, Jacob, Jack, Zaeed, Kasumi, Javik, Samara, Grunt. They all stood as witness to the union of Kaidan Alenko and Rebecca Shepard. The two human Specters pledged their lives to one another aboard the second incarnation of the ship that had initially brought them together. It was meant to be symbolic or so Kaidan hoped. He wanted Shepard to know he had her back in everyway possible. Having the ceremony on the SR-2 had been the best way to show that.

Now as they retreated to the loft, the Major felt reassured that he had made the correct call when he’d suggested they spend their first night as a married couple in the captain’s cabin. That was the place Shepard considered home. Anderson’s apartment on the Citadel was a nice respite from the war and their duties but it wasn’t home. A spacer born and breed, Shepard had always felt at home on a ship. He couldn’t think of one reason why their wedding night should be any different.

Kaidan laid on the soft non-military issue bed in the cabin, lit only by the soft blue glow of the fish tank. The skylight above showed an artificially darkened sky, meant to simulate a night. There were no stars but that was okay. At that moment, the brightest thing in his universe rested soundly in his arms.

He glanced down at the red head laying on his chest, her breath slow, rhythmic. She was sound asleep now. That had not been the case earlier in the night. They had made love not once. Not twice but three times. The physical exertion alone had made him thankful for the fitness requirements the Alliance had in place. On a more emotional level, they had simply been reassuring each other of the promises they made earlier that evening when they had said their vows. That they would regret nothing, and their lives would always be on a parallel path from that point on.

_“I love you, Alenko. Nothing has ever changed that. Nothing ever will. I am proud to Mrs. Alenko…Of course I’ll still be Shepard…”_

The Major brushed a stray strand of hair from her face as he recalled her words after their last round of love making. It had brought a smile to his face to hear those words and the truth behind them. Yes, they loved each other, and they were together. _Married_. But that didn’t mean that they stopped being their own persons. He loved that about her. She would always be Shepard and he would be Alenko. And together they would be unstoppable.


End file.
